How to Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie – My Top 5 Key Points
1. Don’t criticise, condemn or complain
It’s difficult to achieve any changes by criticising people and when doing so that person goes on the defensive and tries to justify themselves. Dale Carnegie stated that ‘It’s important to remember that when dealing with people, we’re dealing not with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, who are motivated by pride and ego.’
2. Make the other person feel important – and do so sincerely
The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated – WILLIAM JAMES
People spend most of their time thinking about themselves, however if we stopped to think about other people’s strengths and qualities we would have more appreciation of them
With appreciation, we have the ability to change another person’s perception of themselves, improve their motivation, and help contribute towards their success.
3. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
“Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.” – DALE CARNEGIE
Everyone wants to feel understood and have their troubles and opinions recognised. Use this to turn negative feelings into friendliness.
Next time you are in a situation of disagreement with someone, put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself the following questions
- What sort of pressure are they under
- What is their goal and priorities
- What sort of relationship do they have with the other people involved
4. Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person
“Admitting one’s own mistakes – even when one hasn’t corrected them – can help convince somebody to change his behaviour.” – DALE CARNEGIE
To change a persons ways without inflicting negative feelings is to admit that we are also make mistakes. It is much easier to listen to our own faults when the person criticising begins by saying that they are not perfect.
5. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
“People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.” – DALE CARNEGIE
It is difficult to take orders from someone, however another way instead of telling people what to do, is to give them the opportunity to do things for themselves
Instead of saying “Do this” we could use “Do you think that would work?”
Its important to resist the temptation to simply tell a person what to do. Alternatively we can ask them questions that will help bring them to the conclusion that we want, however in doing so, it will make them want to do it
Rich Dad, Poor Dad – My Top 5 Points
1. A comparison of 2 fathers
Both fathers teach how to achieve success but with different approaches. Comparisons are made between the fathers against their mindset, principles and financial practice.
The authors real father is a highly educated man but poor and struggling compared to his rich dad who has business acumen and assets
His poor dad is compared to those caught up in the Rat Race. They are well educated people but have not acquired any valuable lessons about money, this is because it has never been taught in school.
His rich dad, by contrast, represents the independent wealth of society who have been taught financial literacy and who take advantage of business, corporations and their knowledge of tax and accounting
2. The rich don’t work for money
The poor and the middle-class work for money, the fear and greed create ignorance and lack of wealthy. The rich recognise and act on opportunities and make money
3. Why Teach Financial Literacy
Financial literacy begins with knowledge of accounting.
It is essential to know the difference between assets and liabilities. The poor have lots of liabilities and no assets, whereas he rich have minimal liabilities and lots of assets
4. The Rich Invent Money
It’s not necessarily the educated bright people who get ahead but those who are adventurous and take risks.
People create luck and should not wait around for it. The same can be said about money, it has to be created.
5. Overcoming Obstacles
Fear, self doubt, laziness, cynicism and arrogance are the reason for not taking action
Empower the mind and create a strong purpose for living
Feed the mind and by doing so you acquire knowledge and power
Spend time with people who enjoy talking about money and learn from them
Learn from individuals who have experienced and have already have achieved what you aspire to do
Mindset: How You Can Fulfill Your Potential – My Top 5 Points
1. There is 2 Types of Mindset
There is two types of people in this world, those that have a fixed mindset, and those that have a growth mindset, but you can be a bit of both
2. Problems of the Fixed Mindset
People who have a fixed mindset think their intelligence is fixed, and they try to preserve the concept of looking smart. They avoid challenges because it could lead to failure and they give up easily because any set back may affect there self-image. They also see hard work and effort as a waste of time because they think they’re either talented enough to do something or they’re not.
3. The Opportunity of the Growth Mindset
People that have a growth mindset see their intelligence as something that can be changed, they see their mind as something that can be developed and they have an desire to learn. They embrace challenges and do not let setbacks get them down. People with his mindset see hard work as a chance to master something. They don’t see the success of others as a threat, but as inspiration. If someone else can do it they can too
4. Which Mindset Succeeds
Carol Dweck found that the only thing that separates people who succeed from those who don’t is whether or not they have a growth mindset.
5. The Choice is Yours
Which one do you want to be? because it is your choice….
The Chimp Paradox – My Top 5 Points
1. There are Three Psychological Parts to Your Brain
The brain is made up of many parts but Professor Steve Peters states that there is 3 which make up what he calls the “psychological mind”: the frontal, the limbic and the parietal but they are known in this book as The Human, The Chimp and The Computer
2. How they Interplay
The Human is you – the rational, the thoughtful, the disciplined, the caring, the focused, the calm and professional.
The Chimp is the source of feelings, emotions and quite alarmingly is four times stronger than the Human, and because of this can hijack your behaviour. You were born with the chimp and the chimp’s anxiety will take control of you if you let it will get you to respond – fight, flight or freeze.
The Computer is the repository of your habits, routines and automatic responses, also known as autopilots
3. The Chimp Influences Your Behaviour
The chimp can be blamed for irrational emotional behaviour and also all of those times where you have not attempted something or held back. For example, can you relate to when you have avoided delivering a tough message … you have felt intimidated by the crowd …you didn’t speak up in a meeting … you avoided delivering a presentation …This is the Chimp in action, it will quickly go into flight, fight or freeze mode when sensing a change or danger. Steve Peters also uses the example of going into a room full of strangers. Some Chimps will simply turn and flee feeling threatened and insecure, some will freeze finding social interaction difficult and causing high anxiety whilst others will go into fight mode and seek to establish their presence with confidence
4. The Chimp Can Be Managed
The good news is the Chimp can be managed, you can’t change the Chimp brain but you can manage it
First of all the interplay of Human, Chimp and Computer can give you an insight into your behaviour. In the book Steve Peters explains how you can build better autopilots to help the Computer, and how you can manage your Chimp
5. Develop a Mindset in Your Computer
Mind-sets are wired into our brains by consistent repetition of behaviours and will form a reference set of default behaviours. A historical embedding of these negative messages reinforces low self-esteem, lack of control and lack of confidence.
Your brain will find a way to talk you out of achieving your goals, it will tell you it’s too risky or your not good enough for it. Achieving your goals is the difficult part because you are dealing with the chimp. Once you’re fully committed to a goal and you make yourself completely accountable for it, the nagging chimp brain’s excuses and reasons will not be so destructive. Write down your goals and read them daily and this will strengthen your focus and set a more powerful mindset into your computers auto pilot